My Dad, Ian, passed away, surrounded by loved ones, on the evening of Saturday 11th July 2026.
After a heart attack that came completely out of the blue in early May, Dad spent a month in a public hospital and then another month in a private rest home hospital. At both hospital facilities Dad received exemplary care but the damage to his heart was too great. Dad rallied around his birthday in late June where we had a lovely, quiet celebration with him. He went downhill quite quickly after that. He was 77 when he died.
Our lives were turned upside down in the blink of an eye and the last few months have been taken up with hospital visits, medical updates and funeral arrangements. Plus there will continue to be paperwork and other things to sort out – what I like to call ‘Dadmin’ – for some time yet. It has been and will continue to be an extraordinary difficult time so today I wanted to take a breather and commemorate Dad in the best way I know how – with the written word.
When Dad turned 75, my sister, Natalie asked him what his life wisdom was and his reply was ‘always be true to yourself’. He went on to say that we all make mistakes and could have done things better but he also said he doesn’t have any regrets because then he wouldn’t have lived the life that he did. When Dad was in hospital, Natalie asked him again what his wisdom was and he immediately answered ‘be true to yourself’.
Here are three ways my Dad showed me how to be true to yourself…
1) Dad’s Love of Sports
Dad loved all sports. Even in those last few weeks he would listen to sports radio constantly. We would do sports quizzes in the hospital with Dad and right up to the end he got every single question correct.
Dad would watch almost any sport but as a typical Kiwi bloke he especially loved rugby and cricket. Until a couple of years ago he still had videotapes of 1987 Rugby World Cup matches he had recorded off the TV… and yes, he still watched them! He loved watching rugby or listening to the cricket on the radio. He was in his happy place when he did both at the same time.
My father didn’t just watch rugby and cricket but played both in his younger days. In his retirement he took up lawn bowls and was still winning tournaments just weeks before the heart attack.
Natalie, being the youngest, got dragged to all the Auckland rugby games with Dad. I am not exactly sure what Dad explained about the game but one time, Natalie wouldn’t go home as Auckland had lost and she thought a rugby game wasn’t finished until Auckland won!
I would like to believe Dad would have loved the fact he passed away just after the New Zealand national rugby team, the All Blacks, had just thrashed Italy in a Test match that Saturday evening.
2) Dad’s Moustache
A constant feature of my childhood in the 80’s and 90’s was Dad’s moustache. He had that slug long after it was fashionable and shaved it off just before mo’s became trendy again.
Just after Dad shaved his moustache off, he knocked on the door where my other sister, Karen, was staying with friends. Dad was wearing a cap and sunglasses and was clean shaven. Karen’s childhood best friend, who had known Dad for over 20 years, didn’t recognize him!
Dad epitomized how to be true to yourself as he simply didn’t care what people thought of his appearance. When he liked the mo it stayed. And when he didn’t like the moustache any more, there was no hand wringing or prevaricating, the mo vanished, never to be seen again.
3) Dad Was Dad
Dad lived his life the way he wanted to and didn’t try to box himself into a particular mold. In Embrace Your Awesomeness, I promote being your unapologetically weird self which Dad did effortlessly without having to read any of my self-help books.
Dad liked the simple things in life. The last thing he wrote in our family WhatsApp group was ‘The world is good. Got a cuppa tea’. He did not own a lot of things and that is the reason I dedicated my book on decluttering and minimalism, Clutter-Free Forever to him. But he also enjoyed the finer things in life where they mattered to him. He especially loved the pool he had installed at our family home when we were kids.
In his day job at the office, Dad was sensible, reliable and hard-working but on the weekends he would goof off with us. We have lots of fond memories of playing backyard cricket, hikes in the Waitakere ranges and walks to Bethells lake with Dad.
Dad could surprise people how practical and outdoorsy he was. He helped Granddad build our family home and was always gardening or tinkering with something in the garage.
One day, our next door neighbors decided to bring their pet rabbit to our house for a visit. We tied it to the washing line pole and resumed playing. As kids we could only look on in horror as our pet cat started stalking the bunny, ready to pounce. I don’t know where Dad was exactly but he definitely wasn’t close by. From what seemed like a mile off, a gumboot came flying out of nowhere to land just close enough to the cat to scare it off. Dad saved a life that day.
Be True to Yourself
Like all of us, Dad wasn’t perfect but he did naturally epitomize how to be true to yourself. He loved sports, didn’t worry what anyone thought about his appearance and refused to be boxed in to any cultural standards.
We are of course incredibly shocked and saddened by our patriarch’s relatively sudden passing. This was not on my bingo card for this year, I can tell you.
However, with the grief comes much gratefulness. I feel lucky I won the lottery with such a wonderful father. I am thankful that after such a serious medical event we still got a few more weeks with Dad. But most of all, I am appreciative that Dad lived his life the way he did, with no regrets and showing me every single day how to be true to yourself.
Moe mai rā. Rest in peace Dad.
Say hi to Grandma and Granddad for us.
Dad’s mother, my Grandma, also taught me her own gentle wisdom which I write about in this blog post: 3 Extraordinary Ordinary Kindness Practices That Anyone Can Do
When I went to a friend’s funeral last year I was inspired to write this blog post: 3 Reflections From a Funeral
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