3 Simple Secrets to a Happier Life

It bothers me when I see declarations that happiness can only be found in the present moment. Does that mean this moment or this moment or this moment? How can we remain in a happy state if we are constantly monitoring our joy levels every second? Meditation is an amazing tool that can keep us present and calm but we cannot do it 24/7 so how do we keep being cheerful when not in a state of bliss?

And in these banana-pants crazy times how is it possible to even be happy? Can we still strive for joy when the world is on literally on fire? Can we be in charge of our own happiness despite everything that is going on?

It really is easy to be happy if you want to be.

First, you need to decide you want to embrace happiness. Second, you need to reject any notion that being happy is only found in the present. And third, you need to remember how to jump back into the driver’s seat of your emotional wellbeing.

Here are three simple secrets to a happier life…

1) Secret One – Focus on the Present

I know, I know, I just said I can’t stand this suggestion but hear me out. Due to our prehistoric survival instincts, humans are good at building brain structure from negative experiences but poor at doing the same with positive ones.

To help our minds we need to take a few seconds to install the positive bits. We need to savor, marvel, bask, to slow down so our brains have time to take in the pleasure and override our natural bias to the negative.

I am not suggesting happiness is only found in the present moment but taking a small break to reset to the present is one of the secrets to a happier life.

At work, look up from your computer and focus on something far away, preferably out the window, for a few seconds. This has the added bonus of keeping your eye muscles functioning well. When you are in the car and an old favorite song comes on, really listen to it, turn it up, sing along. With your partner, spend one minute each day gazing into each other’s eyes. This may seem weird at first, but it works a charm to keeping the romance alive. Just try it. In Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project, she pauses to watch her kids sleeping for a few moments each evening, a habit she beautifully describes as ‘gazing lovingly’.

Remember each day to pause so that your brain can grab hold of the positive. Soak in the beauty all around you. The more you do this, the more you realize that this is available to do at any time.

2) Secret Two – Focus on the Future

You can still live a happier life even if you are future oriented. Studies have proven that looking forward to experiences creates almost as much happiness as the experience itself.

Improve your happiness today by savoring the positive expectations of a future experience. Sometimes, even the best laid plans may have to be cancelled last minute, but that doesn’t necessarily counter the days, weeks or months of happy anticipation you already had.

Plan a vacation, a weekend away, a night out or a fun outing. Going to a concert is a good example, as usually you have to book months in advance to secure a ticket. Mark it on your calendar. Tell people you are looking forward to it. Research what you are going to wear, eat and drink on the night.

No one has yet proven that money, career choice or—unbelievably—even health, have much of an effect on happiness. But consistently, across many different studies, personal connections and strong social bonds have been shown time and again to make a meaningful contribution to happiness.

A future-oriented simple secret to a happier life is to create some family traditions to look forward to. Perhaps the start of summer means an evening picnic in the backyard and mid-winter means a special occasion dinner with the nice plates and napkins. Our family looks forward to public holidays, not only as a day off but because my husband makes pancakes for breakfast.

3) Secret Three – Focus on the Past

If you haven’t planned anything and still rush through your days without pausing to marvel, then you can still gain pleasure from looking at the past.

Positive psychologists have devised a simple but powerful exercise called ‘Three Good Things’. Doing this three-minute exercise once a day for one week has been shown to increase your level of happiness by 25% six months later.

Three Good Things:

List ONE good or happy thing from your day or week.
Write it down or speak the answer out loud to yourself.
Ask yourself WHY it happened—what was it about you (your character, personality, traits, strengths, qualities or skills, etc.) that helped it to occur.
Take a few moments to feel good about yourself—savor that positive feeling.
Do this whole exercise again for TWO more things if you have time.

It is not the good thing that is important but the connection to you, that third step, that makes this an amped up tool. Step three focuses on your role in creating that good thing and so gets you thinking about specific positive traits in you that contributed to the happy moment.

Reliving pleasurable past experiences is a delicious way of savoring them. It really is a very simple secret to a happier life.

Too Much of a Good Thing

Focusing on the past, present and future are simple secrets to a happier life. You don’t need to meditate the day away to achieve a state of bliss. Instead, use your mind to remember happy times, bask in the now for a few seconds and imagine something fantastic happening soon.

The days are long but the years are short so take back the reins and grab hold of being happier any way you can. You are in control. As Mae West noted, “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”