I paid my respects at a funeral recently. She was bright, bubbly and beautiful. And now she is gone.
Even though I have written three books on happiness, this is not a time to try and put a positive spin on the situation. Yes, death is a part of life but when it occurs in your circle it is difficult to see a brightside. I don’t deem this is part of a ‘bigger plan’. There is no faith-based belief that I can fall back on that makes this okay. Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes life gives you lemons. Sometimes things are just crappy.
Goodness, you are probably thinking, I was hoping for some wise words of comfort, not a descent into a dark night of the soul. Hang on, I am getting there! Although I refuse to inject sparkle into this state of affairs, there is nothing like a funeral to encourage some deep contemplation about life, the Universe and everything.
Here are three reflections from a funeral…
1) Reflection 1 – Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal
Are you living your absolute best life? We have to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table but as Mary Oliver says “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Have you done, created or bought the things you have always dreamed about? What is stopping you from booking that trip to swim with whales, writing that fantasy novel or getting that tattoo? If money, time or resources are limited how can you plan to achieve your desires?
Top Action: Create a bucket list. Put together anywhere between 10 and 100 things you want to do, see, create, buy or experience. Then get cracking on checking off the first item on the list. Don’t put off something because of some silly excuse. Live within your means and budget accordingly but do that thing because why not?
This should be a fun and easy exercise but check out my book, Bucket List Blueprint if you have objections that need overcoming, questions that need answers or require any help at all.
2) Reflection 2 – Determine Your Legacy
Do you show up in life in the way you want to be seen? My favorite Maya Angelou quote is: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
If you want to demonstrate being the kind and loving person you know you are then compliment your loved ones, thank them every day and tell them you love them.
If you want to show you care for the world, plant a tree or pick up trash. If you want to be rebelliously happy even when the world is literally on fire, then stop and smell the roses, pat a puppy or do a random act of kindness. Don’t judge others. Stop people pleasing. And dance like no one is watching. You get to decide how you want to show up every day.
Top Action: Write out your obituary. A good way to get clarity on the legacy you want to leave behind is an obituary exercise. Paint a picture of the person you want to be, of a life well lived. Be specific and detailed but also grandiose. Start with what you have already accomplished and are proud of, and then move into your ambitions for the ideal future you.
This should be a profound but simple exercise. Check out my book, Find Your Purpose in 15 Minutes for an exact how-to guide or just give it a go and see what comes up for you.
3) Reflection 3 – Provide Some Clarity About Your Death
None of us know exactly when we are going to shuffle off this mortal coil but we do know it is going to happen one day. I would like to make it as easy as possible for my loved ones left behind to carry out my wishes. With life insurance documents, power of attorney forms and a will already set up I thought I was all over this death admin.
But as my husband and I were leaving the funeral we starting talking about what we would like at our own funerals, something we had never done in almost 20 years together. It was enlightening.
Do you even want a funeral at all? If the answer is no, what funeral-alternative would you prefer or do you want your loved ones to do nothing? How do you want your body laid to rest? Do you want to be an organ donor? If you do want a funeral then what type of coffin would you prefer, what music would you want played and who would you like to speak at it? Do you want your social media accounts to be turned off and can your loved ones access them to do that? Is all your legal and financial paperwork in order and able to be retrieved in the event of your passing?
After our short conversation, I realized I had quite a number of things I still want to sort out for my death. Yes, this may change over time, but it is best to start somewhere.
Top Action: Make a Funeral Playlist. Put together some songs you would like to be played at your funeral on a playlist and let your loved ones know about it.
Hugs and Sunsets
To be honest, I don’t want to do any of these things right now. I just want to allow myself to be sad for a bit. But some day in the future, these three reflections from a funeral to live your best life, leave the right legacy and provide clarity about your death will prompt me to take some action to make sure my life and my death are right and true for me.
Yes, there is no way to make sense of this situation but I do hope this blog post helps both you and future me.
At the very least I am going to hug my loved ones more often and make sure I catch a sunset now and then.
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